Close Shave


“Doyle, will you get your hand outta your pants?”


“Bad enough I gotta shovel asphalt all day, now I gotta watch you play with yourself?”

“Said I was sorry.”

“What the hell’s wrong with you? Ya got crabs or something?”

“Naw. Shaved my balls this weekend.”


“Yeah. Smooth as a baby’s bottom. But now it itches like a motherfucker.”

“You some kinda fag now?”

“Haw! You wish! Best sex of my life this weekend thanks to that. Met this college girl. Cute, small, but pretty big tits and a nice ass. Got her home, stripped down, and you’da thought my pecker was diseased the way she looked at it. Said she’d never been with a guy had pubes before.”

“Yer shittin’ me.”

“No sir, I am not. You know how everyone in porn is completely hairless? Well, the kids all watch that stuff online, like all day, I guess, and so they shave it. All of it.”

“Was she?”

“Was she what?”


“Oh yeah. Always was fond of the landing strip, but I gotta say, this turned me on. Her sweet spot had nowhere to hide. Spent a lot of time down there.”

“And what, she wouldn’t do you if you didn’t?”

“Go down on her?”

“No, shave, idiot.”

“Well, she asked if I’d ever thought about it. Told her I hadn’t until the prospect of not tappin’ her ass came into the picture, then I started thinking about it a lot.”

“How’d you do it?”

“Used my beard trimmer to get rid of most of it – damn if that didn’t hurt a little bit when the short and curlies got caught in them blades – then I let her finish it.”

“With your Norelco?”

“No. She said that wouldn’t get it close enough. Said it’d rub her raw.”

“So what? Your blade?”

“Got an old straight razor when my granddaddy passed. She said that’d work best. She sharpened it up, sprayed a little foam down there and went to work.”

“Jesus. You let some stranger… your junk in one hand, a blade in the other?”

“Yep, and I’ll tell you, it was the most arousing thing. Coulda pounded nails by the time she was done.”

“So, was it worth it?”

“Well, aside from the fuckin’, she polished the old knob for about an hour, so I’d say, yes, it was worth it.”

“An hour-long hummer?”

“Uh huh. She said chicks just love it. All that hair grosses ’em out.”

“You gonna see her again?”

“If I do, I gotta get out the razor again. Getting kind of stubbly down there. Be worth it though.”

“Won’t she come over and lather you up again?”

“I think that was a one-time thing. I don’t mind. Plus, did I mention it looks bigger?”


“My rod. Get all that hair out of the way, looks about an inch longer.”

“Three instead of two, huh?”

“Fuck you. You oughta think about it. I’ll bet it would drive Shelly wild.”

“How can you talk about your sister that way?”

“What? Is it so wrong to want my sister and brother-in-law to enjoy some spirited marital relations?”

“Maybe I’ll ask that new girl that answers the phone.”

“I don’t need to know anything about that.”

“Fine. Just try to keep your hand out of your pants. Don’t want to spend all day thinking about your dick.”

“How’s that different than any other day?”

“Fuck you, faggot.”

“Eat me, douche.”

“Hey, Shelly. It’s Doyle.”

“Yep. The seed has been planted. That two-timing son of a bitch is gonna be beggin’ you to put a straight blade to his cock tonight, sis. The rest is up to you.”

~ fin ~

Jack Blood is new to this writing thing. Then again we writers are a lying bunch.