Monday, March 10, 2014

Fan Letters

People are supposed to read your sports blog and chuckle at your wit, I am sure. Up until recently, I was one of the rubes doing so along with all the others who start their morning checking scores. Then I realized that you weren’t making me laugh with you; you were having a laugh at my expense. Once I became conscious of that, then your maliciousness and spite became obvious.

Not content to just be sarcastic, you seem to specialize in being caustic. Every word out of your mouth, I am sure, is meant to do more harm than the words it follows. You strive to alienate, anger, and embarrass those you write about and those you write for. Even amateur games are picked apart by you as if you are the only one who understands the way they are supposed to be played and could play them better than anyone else.

As if justifying the cruelty you inflict, you mask those unpleasantries beneath a banner of popularity. Reasoning that you are the voice of the people or else they wouldn’t read what you say is ridiculous at best. So many of your readers are reading what you say just to make sure that they aren’t being skewered on any particular day. Success, in your business, may be measured in views, but success in theirs is now just staying below your radar.

Apparently those “views” translate into dollars quite nicely. Last year’s numbers, from what I hear, showed that you received a pretty substantial salary for writing that poor excuse for a blog. Adding in some portion of the advertising revenue from pay-per-clicks and speaking engagements and it’s clear you do pretty well for yourself. Rarely does anyone rise to the top of their profession as quickly as you have and I have no doubt you’re well aware of that.

You are probably wondering by now why I am taking the time to write/ramble to someone I loathe so.  Being less witty a writer than you, let me get to my three reasons in no particular order:


  1. Every athlete is someone’s child. Sometimes, they are their grown child, but nevertheless, they are someone’s child. I want you to think about that every time you turn poison into prose. Derrick, your own son, has a lot of growing up to do and one has to wonder how much you’d like to keep his name out of the blogs, particularly those a little more newsworthy.
  2. Every one in the community knows that you make a lot more money than you should. Two sports cars, a giant house, a boat, and a jet ski? Have you no shame?
  3. Everyone needs to be reminded that they’re human every so often and you just happen to need it now. People you think are your friends are anything but. Only those who have some business to conduct with you still want to be around you, and I fall into that category.

Ordinarily, I wouldn’t be this harsh, but time is of the essence. Look only at the first letter of each sentence if you ever want to see Derrick again.