Friday, May 22, 2015

Here’s To Bad Decisions: Red’s Longneck Hooch

Here’s to bad decisions that come with rotten times. If things are going from bad to worse, going to hell in a hand basket at Mach speed like downhill semi without brakes, and it doesn’t look like there’s a damn thing you can do about it, you always got one option. Just open crack open a bottle of ice cold Red’s Longneck Hooch and pour it down the hatch. This refreshing, mind-numbing concoction is just what you need.

Listening to your wife go on and on about the bills and your lack of steady income? It’s time for some Red’s Longneck Hooch.

Putting up with the boss man chewing you out for showing up late to work and looking like death warmed over? It’s time for some Red’s Longneck Hooch.

Noticing a dude with the mullet and muscle shirt who is mad-dogging you from across the bar like you might’ve pissed on his lawn or knocked up his sister? (Could be both.) It’s time for some Red’s Longneck Hooch.

Begging your wife for forgiveness after you slapped her for having the gall to say that you you’ve been drinking too much? It’s time for some Red’s Longneck Hooch.

Restraining your anger with all your might when that pencil neck boss man gives you his final warning for showing up late? It’s time for some Red’s Longneck Hooch.

Seeing that cocky mullet wearing dogface jackass mad-dogging you again at the bar and knowing you got to do something about it soon? It’s time for some Red’s Longneck Hooch.

Getting pulled over by that son-of-a-bitch highway patrol whose salary you pay with your hard-earned tax dollars, and that mustached fucker has the nerve to give you your second DUI and suspend your damn license? It’s time for some Red’s Longneck Hooch.

Finding yourself locked out of your doublewide by your wife ‘cause you screwed up again, and you’re not sure if it’s just the DUI or maybe something else. It’s time for some Red’s Longneck Hooch.

Going over to Darlene’s trailer (your honey on the side) only to find that mullet-wearing fool smoking outside her door? It’s time for some Red’s Longneck Hooch.

Sleeping in your wife’s car because your truck has been impounded and that bitch still won’t let you inside your own damn house? It’s time for some Red’s Longneck Hooch.

Punching out the boss man after he fires you for being late and not showering for the hundredth time? It’s time for some Red’s Longneck Hooch.

Cracking a bottle over the mullet man’s head and taking a few good swings before he kicks the living shit out of you? It’s time for some Red’s Longneck Hooch.

Breaking into your brother-in-law’s house so you can steal a couple of the guns he keeps under his bed? It’s time for some Red’s Longneck Hooch.

Blasting buckshot into the belly of Mullet Man after he answers Darlene’s door? It’s time for some Red’s Longneck Hooch.

Not being able to pull the trigger on Darlene as she pleads for her life and that of your unborn child? It’s time for some Red’s Longneck Hooch.

Taking cover behind a pecan tree after your wife starts shooting at you from the kitchen widow with your own Winchester deer rifle? It’s time for some Red’s Longneck Hooch.

Speeding down the road after taking a couple of worthless shots at your trailer you bought with your own hard-earned money only to have the sheriff and highway patrol on your ass? (And you wish like hell you were driving your Ram truck, instead of your wife’s puny Hyundai Accent.) It’s time for some Red’s Longneck Hooch.

Shooting your brother-in-law’s Ruger P90 at the law while taking sips of Red’s Longneck Hooch and missing the spikes spread across the highway causing your wife’s Hyundai to careen off the road and tumble down an embankment? It’s time for some Red’s Longneck Hooch.

Broken in so many places with pain so intense nothing makes sense as flames engulf your wife’s car? It’s too late for Red’s Longneck Hooch.

~FIN~