Fiction

Twitter and Coke

by Erik Arneson

10/05/12

Rep. Douglas Carr @CongressmanCarr

The House passed my bill to protect personal #privacy online, big win for citizens. Tell your Senators to support the #InternetPrivacyAct

8:37 PM – 28 Jun 12 via web

Monster Dude @bigmonsterdude

@Reportasaurus where do u suppose @CongressmanCarr is right now

11:09 PM – 28 Jun 12 via Twitter for Android

Melissa Kasten @Reportasaurus

@bigmonsterdude I’ll bite. Where is @CongressmanCarr?

11:17 PM – 28 Jun 12 via web

Monster Dude @bigmonsterdude

@Reportasaurus right here having a very very good time

11:18 PM – 28 Jun 12 via Twitter for Android

Melissa Kasten @Reportasaurus

@bigmonsterdude I have better things to do than play guessing games with a random Twitter follower. #goodnight

11:20 PM – 28 Jun 12 via web

Monster Dude @bigmonsterdude

@Reportasaurus hint #stripclub and his nose is getting stimulated at least as much as his #youknowwhat

11:21 PM – 28 Jun 12 via Twitter for Android

Melissa Kasten @Reportasaurus

@bigmonsterdude Got my attention. Location?

11:22 PM – 28 Jun 12 via web

Melissa Kasten @Reportasaurus

@CongressmanCarr Congratulations on the #InternetPrivacyAct. I’ll be writing a piece tomorrow. You celebrating tonight?

11:23 PM – 28 Jun 12 via web

Monster Dude @bigmonsterdude

@Reportasaurus taboo u know it?

11:23 PM – 28 Jun 12 via Twitter for Android

Melissa Kasten @Reportasaurus

@bigmonsterdude I can find it. Thanks.

11:24 PM – 28 Jun 12 via web

Rep. Douglas Carr @CongressmanCarr

@Reportasaurus yes!!! join my partypartyparty

11:26 PM – 28 Jun 12 via Hootsuite for iPhone

XDR Public Relations @XDR_DigitalPR

Direct Messages > with Cooper Walden

We have a problem. Did you see your boss’s tweet?

11:30 PM – 28 Jun 12 via Tweetdeck

Cooper Walden @CoopWalden

Direct Messages > with XDR Public Relations

Who the fuck put Hootsuite on his phone??

11:31 PM – 28 Jun 12 via Twitter for iPad

Melissa Kasten @Reportasaurus

@CongressmanCarr Wouldn’t miss it. See you soon.

11:32 PM – 28 Jun 12 via iPhone

Rep. Douglas Carr @CongressmanCarr

@Reportasaurus waitin 4 u!!!

11:33 PM – 28 Jun 12 via Hootsuite for iPhone

Cooper Walden @CoopWalden

Direct Messages > with XDR Public Relations

Can you delete these???

11:33 PM – 28 Jun 12 via Twitter for iPad

XDR Public Relations @XDR_DigitalPR

Direct Messages > with Cooper Walden

Looks like he changed his password. But remember politwoops. Deleted tweets are never really gone anyway.

11:34 PM – 28 Jun 12 via Tweetdeck

Cooper Walden @CoopWalden

Direct Messages > with XDR Public Relations

Fuck me.

11:34 PM – 28 Jun 12 via Twitter for iPad

XDR Public Relations @XDR_DigitalPR

Direct Messages > with Cooper Walden

You need to find him and take his phone NOW.

11:35 PM – 28 Jun 12 via Tweetdeck

Cooper Walden @CoopWalden

Direct Messages > with XDR Public Relations

I know where he is. On my way.

11:36 PM – 28 Jun 12 via Twitter for iPhone

Rep. Douglas Carr @CongressmanCarr

@Reportasaurus hurry 2 join party!!!

11:36 PM – 28 Jun 12 via Hootsuite for iPhone

Melissa Kasten @Reportasaurus

@CongressmanCarr Be there soon.

11:37 PM – 28 Jun 12 via iPhone

Rep. Douglas Carr @CongressmanCarr

@Reportasaurus u r hottest reporter babe!!!

11:37 PM – 28 Jun 12 via Hootsuite for iPhone

XDR Public Relations @XDR_DigitalPR

Direct Messages > with Cooper Walden

Getting worse by the minute.

11:38 PM – 28 Jun 12 via Tweetdeck

Cooper Walden @CoopWalden

Direct Messages > with XDR Public Relations

I KNOW!!!!!!

11:38 PM – 28 Jun 12 via Twitter for iPhone

Rep. Douglas Carr @CongressmanCarr

@Reportasaurus i hope ur wearin tight shirt cuz i love ur boobies!!!

11:39 PM – 28 Jun 12 via Hootsuite for iPhone

Rep. Douglas Carr @CongressmanCarr

@Reportasaurus im gonna sniff some snow off your titties bb!!!

11:40 PM – 28 Jun 12 via Hootsuite for iPhone

XDR Public Relations @XDR_DigitalPR

Direct Messages > with Cooper Walden

And… Game over, man.

11:40 PM – 28 Jun 12 via Tweetdeck

Cooper Walden @CoopWalden

Direct Messages > with XDR Public Relations

Game over. Any job openings there?

11:41 PM – 28 Jun 12 via Twitter for iPhone

Rep. Douglas Carr @CongressmanCarr

@Reportasaurus find me bb i wanna lapdance NOW! woooooo!!!

11:43 PM – 28 Jun 12 via Hootsuite for iPhone

~ fin ~

Erik Arneson lives in Pennsylvania with his wife and editor, Elizabeth. His short stories have appeared in Thuglit, Needle, Akashic Books’ Mondays Are Murder, and many other places. His comic book Fortune is available from Comixology, Indy Planet, and NoiseTrade. He hosts the Title 18: Word Crimes podcast. Find him at www.ErikArneson.com and on Twitter @ErikArneson.

Anonymous-9: Thank you very much. I appreciate it!

Erik Arneson

October 11, 2012

Loved the creativity here. Thanks to Erik for writing, thanks to Shotgun Honey for publishing.

Anonymous-9

October 11, 2012

Jen, Thank you very much!

Erik Arneson

October 08, 2012

Well done! Nice.

Jen Conley

October 07, 2012

Here's an update from Congressman Carr: https://twitter.com/CongressmanCarr/status/254401117184733185

Erik Arneson

October 07, 2012

Brian, K.A., and Paul: Thank you all very much for the kind words. I'm glad you enjoyed the story!

Erik Arneson

October 05, 2012

That was great! Thanks

Brian Panowich

October 05, 2012

Love it!

K. A. Laity

October 05, 2012

The dangers of 21st century life! Nice one!

PaulDBrazill

October 05, 2012

Comments are closed for this post.

Fiction

Twitter and Coke

by Erik Arneson

Sign Up for our Newsletter