Come Out Swinging

07/13/12

I stepped up to the plate and moved to king-hit the bastard from behind.

Sure it was cowardly, but also a pretty nifty manoeuvre, done without a moment to second-guess myself or opportunity to nut out a different course of action. His head was unprotected, an obvious target dressed up in messy, straw-coloured hair. A neck thicker than my waist propped up that noggin—quite some feat, given the extra girth I’d put on in recent months of alcoholic mayhem and loafing about on the couch.

At least this wasn’t going to kill him. No need to get blood on my hands, since the mitts were clean and I preferred them to stay that way.

Trouble was that the man apparently sensed me behind him, and second-guessed my intentions to boot. He ducked as I swung the gun, and I ended up glancing the handle off his scalp instead of getting in a heavy enough whack to knock him senseless.

Then, while I was off balance, he turned and grabbed me by the throat, huge fingers digging deep into my larynx, and a second later I’d been deprived of both the capacity to squeal and the ability to breathe. He lifted me up one handed, so my shoes no longer touched the ground, and I was ogling a human gorilla inches from my face, a dribble of saliva in the corner of his snarled mouth.

With his free hand he slapped me once, twice, a third time.

I was seeing stars, and other delusionary paraphernalia. It felt like this time, finally, the gig might truly be up. Thoughts shunted in between the sparkling stars, images of Laurel, and Veronica, and what would likely happen to both if I gave up the ghost, pulling up the personal tent-pegs here and now.

I still had the gun in my right fist. I could pop him in the jaw, put a slug in his eye, get it over with, but something held me back. I wouldn’t call this a conscience—it was more like stubborn, idiotic madness.

Another slap knocked me silly. I could see specks of blood on the man’s chunky, enraged face. Not his blood. Mine.

So I swung at my own blood, right at a big splash of it on his forehead, lined up like a bull’s-eye. The gun barrel bounced off, but the man shook his head, like it hurt, so I tried again, and again. The fourth time rocked it—I fell flat on my bum, oxygen started pumping, and the gorilla stormed around me, like he was doing some kind of blind Indian rain dance, clutching his skull, screaming.

Then he barnstormed the wall, head first, and knocked himself out. He lay at my feet, unmoving. At least he’d stopped the over-dramatics.

My head was swimming enough as it was. I had to road test my voice, to see if it still worked. “Sleep tight,” I muttered. Nothing more sparkling came to me. The weak quip would have to do—even if I did have an audience.

Laurel was bound and gagged over in a corner, next to a widescreen TV, like she’d been placed there as a second-thought Christmas decoration. I went straight over, leaned down, and touched her cheek. Her eyes were wide, even the one on the left that was swollen and ringed with blue-black.

Without waiting for applause, I undid her wrists and pulled off the material jammed into her mouth. Laurel could deal with the feet herself.

After breathing deeply a few times, apparently relishing the opportunity, the woman looked straight at me without the gratitude I expected.

“You look awful,” she complained. “Do you always make it so hard for yourself, babe? You could’ve just shot him. You had ample opportunity. Jeez.”

I swear I must’ve glowered. “D’you want me to put the gag back on?”

~ fin ~

Andrez Bergen is an expat Australian writer, journalist and DJ who's been entrenched in Tokyo for the past 12 years. He published the noir/sci-fi novel Tobacco-Stained Mountain Goat (2011), slipstream tome One Hundred Years of Vicissitude in 2012, and now Who is Killing the Great Capes of Heropa? through Perfect Edge Books - combining classic comic books, noir, pulp, fantasy and sci-fi.

Bergen has published short stories through Crime Factory, Snubnose Press, Shotgun Honey and Another Sky Press and worked on adapting the scripts for feature films by Mamoru Oshii (Ghost in the Shell), Kazuchika Kise and Naoyoshi Shiotani.

That was good fun. 'Blind Indian rain dance' - terrific.
Ian Hamshaw
April 11, 2013
Thanks, Chris & Julia.
Andrez Bergen
January 23, 2013
Late to the party on this one - great piece and I love the characters. Well done!
Chris Irvin
November 16, 2012
;)
Andrez Bergen
October 12, 2012
[...] Oh yes, this story gives a whole  new meaning to the term “batter up.” You can read “Come Out Swinging” at Shotgun Honey. [...]
“Come Out Swinging” by Andrez Bergen « How many short stories can you read in one year? Can you read a story a day for one year?
August 06, 2012
Ha! That was great. Very intense. Loved it :)
Julia Madeleine
July 15, 2012
Ta for the great feedback - as always. You guys rock.
Andrez Bergen
July 15, 2012
Crazy and cool.
Dina
July 15, 2012
Love it.
Chris Rhatigan
July 14, 2012
Good fun, great action!
Kate Laity
July 14, 2012
Enjoyed that Andrez - love your humour.
Fiona
July 14, 2012
winner by knockout...nicely done!
Bill Baber
July 13, 2012
Did not see the little twist at the end coming. Nice to see it turn like it did. Good job.
Ryan Sayles
July 13, 2012
Wow. Cheers, mates. Yep, I'm really happy to see them back too.
Andrez Bergen
July 13, 2012
[...] night I had a free-to-read 700-word short story published on the very cool Shotgun Honey website… a prequel, of sorts, for Floyd and Laurel of Tobacco-Stained Mountain Goat. I [...]
Come Out Swinging « AndrezBergen
July 13, 2012
Fantastic. Great to them back in action.
PaulDBrazill
July 13, 2012
Heh! Awesome! Can't wait to get into Goat
Benoît Lelièvre
July 13, 2012
He was swinging for the fences and hit one out. Enjoyed it!
Bruce Harris
July 13, 2012
Aw, he's a hero.  Wasn't sure--could've gone with way for a minute there.  I'm glad.  We need a hero around here, once in a while.  Well done!  
Joe Clifford
July 13, 2012
Big fun!
Heath
July 13, 2012
Ta, Erik! ;)
Andrez Bergen
July 13, 2012
Superb and desperate little set piece
Enclave
July 13, 2012
Great stuff, Andrez.
Erik Arneson
July 13, 2012

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