70 years old

Yes, I’m Leach. I pled guilty to murder-one for bludgeoning to death a Vo-tech beautician from Maine. Named Hladik. Good riddance, Florida. I was extradited from Key West when they found out I wasn’t really Tommy Lee Jones. All I can say is: the Keys are stupid.

65

I threw out clippings, souvenirs at John Pennekamp’s long-term lot. Clip that did me in said: “First day for Vermonter Tommy Lee Jones (L) welcoming visitors to Key West Lighthouse. ‘I’m any retiree looking for a day job in Key West. What a beautiful spot,’ said Jones. Key West says if he shows up tomorrow, he’s management material.”

61

Swanzee Patch published a news alert online: DNA tests identified a skull. “Hladik is an unsolved 1981 case, along the Vermont-New Hampshire border.”

52

Thinking of heading South, I baited dopey Det. Songdahl; I called in a bone. Patch confirmed: “A human skull, of a young Caucasian female, was found in a secluded woods near old Sugar Loaf trail.” Then nothing. Nothing.

36

Songdahl in the Swanzee Echo: “The wire frame glasses were designed for men. The frames are brown metal and stamped Tagen, a style sold only in Canada and New England 1977-1982. If you have information, please call our hotline.”

36

Songdahl: “The victim wore Jordache jeans and red Candies shoes with white laces. Her red tank-style top, has “RUSH Exit Stage Left” on back. Anyone with information, please call.”

36

I quit Stateline to drive for Southeast. I wasn’t going to vanish without pissing in Songdahl’s Cheerios. Echo reported: “Skeletal remains discovered by local near Route 30. ‘Never seen hide nor hair round here,’ T.J. Leach said. Leach discovered a headless torso inside rolled carpeting. Officer Songdahl said the remains are female, approximately 18 years.

27

According to this week’s Swanzee Echo, hunters report terrible odors near Old Notch trail on Route 30. Complaints were lodged with the Frye leather rending plant.

26

It’s a beautiful spot, quiet and off of a hillside trail in an area that sees no human traffic.

26

Bearcat scatted: “19, white, brown hair, 110 pounds, and 5’2” inches.”

26

At the Lodge, a fight broke out when she flirted, and I watched in the doorway as the winner snapped a trophy photo. She said, Jeeves, let me wear those glasses. I told her, let’s blow this pop-stand and have a real party back at my place.

25

I finished driving my route for Stateline early. The diner has a pretty, braless, part-time waitress. She said her shift was ending soon. If I wanted, I might drive her to the Lodge.

22

Laura Spillman, 23, was last seen hitching a ride to Arcadia National Park. It was raining. Her dog, with identifying collar, was dropped a few dozen miles away.

21

Cheryl Wilbur, 17, arrived on time to her shift at the Keene Food Mart. She told her co-worker she forgot dinner money. She’d hurry back.

19

Mariel Schultze, 18, was an all-American girl enjoying her first year at Dorchester College. She was last seen leaving the Black Lantern on Friday night, after her shift. I backed her vehicle, a blue 1968 Karmann Ghia, into the trailhead off Sugar Loaf Road.