Two-Phones

04/06/11

Smart-ass in front of Slim in the security queue at Midway couldn’t keep his mouth shut, guy dumping his shit in the plastic box, two fucking cell phones and a PDA coming off his belt like he was Batman or something, a fat money clip with a Franklin on the outside.

“Take off your belt, take off your shoes, like being in the joint or something,” Two-Phones said. But Slim figured if some hack hadn’t made you bend over and spread your cheeks, then it was nothing like the joint. Slim gave Two-Phones his shower face.

Slim did his first jolt in Joliet at 18. Being fresh young white meat in that hole made him the blue-plate special on the shower menu, so he learned early not to give it up easy, and he gave it up so hard that pretty soon he didn’t have to give it up at all. One look at the shower face and Two-Phones decided to give his act a rest.

The Old Men wanted Fish Garbanzo clipped. Had a couple hot-shit trigger jockeys out of Detroit take a run at him last week, but Fish had that mutant nephew of his, Beans, with him – size of a single family home and some sort of handgun savant, like the only part of his brain that worked right was the part about shooting people. Beans left the shooters in the street sporting 9mm bindis.

So the Old Men called Slim. Fish was heading out of town – word was maybe a meet with the Feds. Airport suited Slim. Airport was the one place where Beans wouldn’t be strapped.

Fish and Beans were in the Food Court, Slim watching from the bookstore at the mouth of A concourse. Fish was a delicate old fuck, liver-spotted head, sipping on something. Beans sat down with a pile of slop he’d grabbed, shoveled it in. Then Fish and Beans got up, headed around the corner for the can. Showtime.

TSA pukes will take away your nail clippers, but Slim loved the shit they let you bring through. He had the computer power cord, the one with the half-pound brick of transformer, knotted up into a perfect sap, and he’d used the bench grinder on a toothbrush, filing that down to a point like an ice pick.

Beans was standing by the sinks when Slim pushed into the john. Slim snapped the transformer down hard right on top of Beans’ head. Not like that was gonna put Beans all the way down, though. Slim slipped under a massive right and drove the tooth brush up under the base of Bean’s skull all the way in to the bristles. He could see Bean’s face in the mirror, all Mongoloid looking now, eyes drooping, mouth hanging open. He caught Beans under the arms, backed him into the empty stall and plopped him down on the crapper.

“Fuck’s goin’ on?” Fish muttering in the handicap stall. Slim kicked the door in, the old man on the can, pants around his ankles, knees sticking out of his stringy legs like knots on tree branches. Slim waved his left hand up over Fish’s head, got his chin up, then drove the fingers of his right hand into the old man’s throat. Felt the trachea go. All over.

Slim locked the door to the stall then slid out underneath, did the same for Beans. He was just about to zip the power cord back in his bag when Two-Phones walked in the door and over to the urinals. Slim washed his hands, watching in the mirror. Fuck just leaves, he’s still good.

But Beans’ head was leaking and he must’ve slumped against the wall closest to the pissers. Two-Phones saw the blood oozing out under the stall – Slim could see him tense up. Fuck.

Slim bull-rushed Two-Phones, putting a forearm up against the back of his head, bouncing his face hard off the tile, then got his right hand around to the far shoulder, left hand cupping the chin, snapped Two-Phone’s neck. Before he dropped him, he plucked the money clip out of the right front pants pocket. Franklins all the way through.

~ fin ~

Dan O'Shea

Daniel O’Shea is a Chicago-area writer focused predominately on crime fiction. His collection of short fiction, OLD SCHOOL, was published by Snubnose Press in 2011. His debut novel, PENANCE, introducing Det. John Lynch was published by Exhibit A in 2013, with the second Det. Lynch novel, GREED, published in January, 2014. He has worked as a business and financial writer for decades – thirty years of writing about the tax code drove me to write about killing people. He is represented by Stacia Decker at the Donald Maass Literary Agency.

His stories tend to be dark, but with overtones of redemption. If you’re one of those easily offended by rough language, violence or occassional bits of sex, move on. Fair warning.

I invite you to visit me on the web on my blog at www.danielboshea.wordpress.com, on Facebook or on Twitter at @dboshea.

[...] posted the first story on Blogger, April 6, 2011. You might remember it, “Two-Phones” by Dan O’Shea. It was a Wednesday. We followed it up with the Spinetingler nominated “Disney Noir” by [...]
Shotgun Honey – What a Blast! | Ron Earl Phillips | Writer
May 31, 2012
very good but a lot of names coming at the reader really quickly
0rganic
June 29, 2011
Love the names and damn, I'm gonna carry my laptop charger everywhere now... great yarn!
Thomas Pluck
April 28, 2011
Thanks for the love, all. Happy to bust the cherry on this joint for Kent.
danielboshea
April 08, 2011
Stylish and nasty--the way flash should be done.
Chris Rhatigan
April 07, 2011
I hope I get O'Hare next time I'm in Chicago. Great stuff.
Gary Stevens
April 07, 2011
Comes right at'cha don't it? Fish and Beans in the food court. Two Phones hung up in the crapper. Three scrambled yeggs. Over hard. Shotgun O'Shea. Honey he's home.
ajhayes2
April 07, 2011
This guy just set the bar pretty damn high. Great way to kick things off.
pulptone
April 07, 2011
Great story, great way to kick off the site.
KentAllard
April 07, 2011
Glad I don't have to take a piss.
Jonathan
April 06, 2011
What a way to kick off a zine!

Top writing, Dan.
David Cranmer
April 06, 2011
Best use of "bindis" in any story I've ever read.
Chris
April 06, 2011
Sweet fucking Christ, that was good.
Jimmy Callaway
April 06, 2011
Cool quick write. Great way to start the Shotgun.
Glenn Gray
April 06, 2011
Franklins all the way through and turtles all the way down.
Nicely done.
Steve Weddle
April 06, 2011
Thanks for another exciting adventure at the airport! Such a dangerous place. Nice job, Dan!
Kathleen A. Ryan
April 06, 2011
Fish and Beans. Beans and Fish. Were you hungry when you wrote this one?
Great as always, Dan
Keith Rawson
April 06, 2011
I don't know of a more consistent writer of flash fiction. Everyone else has ups and downs, but Dan only has ups and higher ups.
Dana King
April 06, 2011
This story is Franklins all the way through.
John Hornor
April 06, 2011
Yeah, I liked the clipped prose in this one. Really ratched up the speed and tension
Charles Gramlich
April 06, 2011
What a way to blast off! Can't think of anybody better than Dan to set the benchmark. Don't think I took a breath to the final full stop. Love it.
McDroll
April 06, 2011
Very nice! And I agree, listening to Dan read it *is* even better. Perfect story for the debut, Kent!
Sabrina E. Ogden
April 06, 2011
Definitely love this one. Reading it is great, but hearing Dan read it is even better (check out his site).
Elizabeth
April 06, 2011
Great first story. Awesome set up, Kent. Can't wait for more!
Peter Andrew Leonard
April 06, 2011
Dug it a lot.

Pacing was great. Clipped prose like quick jabs. Action described well--no getting bogged down in step-by-step fight scenes. (The power cord idea was brilliant by the way.)

Only point of disconnect for me was the names. Didn't really care for Fish Garbanzo. It felt a little out of place.
Chad
April 06, 2011
A great story to kick off a great looking new mag. Nice write, Dan!

Great work, Kent!
David Barber
April 06, 2011
Excellent piece. The cadence and the clipped language really worked for me. Love the terse, but vivid details. Very nicely done.
Marko
April 06, 2011
Great to see a professional at work. Fantastic slice of hardboiled. More,please!
Paul D. Brazill
April 06, 2011

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