Seizure by Stephen Mander

So I’m standing, dick in hand, about to take a leak, when this guy stumbles in, and takes the urinal right next to me. There are seven or eight of them, so I’m like, what the fuck, where’s your urinal etiquette, but before I can say anything I’ve seized up, and he’s in full flow, looking at me, saying:

“I hate it when that happens.”

“Excuse me?”

He says, “When you can’t piss. There’s a word for it, isn’t there? Paru- pary- patty- osis or something. I get it every time I come out of a movie, you know, when the toilets are rammed because everyone’s been holding it in. I give up usually, go when I get home, and by then I’m absolutely bursting.”